My latest article for The Drum (2/9/2011), ‘The Arndt of sex’ made a few middle-aged indignant men unhappy when I questioned Bettina Arndt’s logic behind her validation and heroising of men’s supposed monogamous sex-starved experiences. Needless to say, they weren’t going to be the types won over by calls for a mature and non-polarising discussion about heterosexual male and female sexuality.
Thankfully, I hope and I think, many already recognise that Arndt’s views do not represent the values of most Australians in 2011. This was voiced to me by men and women directly via Twitter and in person. It would appear that the majority of comments on The Drum post were made by those whose life foundations were called into question by my arguments and understandably so.
A few other men, who so very kindly made some of the most derogatory and misogynistic comments I have ever come across and who submitted them to this blog (after The Drum comments had closed), were not in keeping with the rules of proper conduct and hence were not approved. As a related side-note: the issue of misogyny and online abuse of women writers has recently gained recognition after female blogger and Guardian writer Laurie Penny published some shocking tweets calling for violence against her. She has written about her experiences here, ‘A woman’s opinion is the mini-skirt of the internet’.
The inherent difficulty with the subject of sexuality, monogamy, heterosexuality, differing sex drives, gender and masculinity/femininity inevitably leads to some emotional, ill-considered and irrational responses. And then there are superficial “puff” responses that reinforce the outdated, circulating social memes we still have to fight against. In an op-ed for Fairfax, one person decided to bypass the content of the carefully constructed argument I made and instead lambasted me for ranting a little. Here is the article, make of it what you will.
I am proud to have written ‘The Arndt of sex’ as it was one of the most daunting and rewarding intellectual challenges I have had to tackle to date. Writing about gender is hard enough, but writing about sex and sexuality is in a league of its own. It’s a personal topic for everyone and hence, it needs to be approached carefully and with respect. I have a great appreciation for writers who are able to do this, it takes a lot of skill. Personally, after deconstructing Arndt’s piece I decided to take a philosophical approach in offering a solution. I hope more will take up the challenge, because, as I conclude in the article; sex, sexuality and the negotiation of relationships and needs must be talked about more openly, constructively and often than it is now.
Thanks to everyone who has read it and thanks in advance to those who will. Please feel free to leave comments, my only request is that they be respectful to everyone contributing to the discussion.
